Practice 2: Naming

Naming is a powerful part of being an emotionally healthy leader.  

This exercise is about paying attention to your inner experience by noticing what you feel and naming your emotion. By noticing and naming, you are getting to know yourself, and by welcoming that emotion, whatever it is, you are befriending your inner world. That’s profoundly powerful. Perhaps we might even say that you are being shaped into the image of Christ who was fully human and fully aware of his inner world.

Tools:  The Emotions Wheel

Participants:  Do this activity alone, with a partner, your family, staff or any group that you lead.

Activity:

Hand out a copy of the emotions wheel tool to each participant.

Then, start with the question:

How are you feeling?

People who are less comfortable with emotions, often begin to talk about what they have been doing, not what they have been feeling. So, you may have to patiently ask again.

The emotions wheel tool offers many different levels of specificity with naming emotions.  Some people who are more comfortable keeping it generalized can use the inner spokes.  

I’m sad.  

Others, who are willing to step in more closely, can use the outer spokes and name with more particularity.

I’m devastated.

Then, after it has been named, you can follow it up by asking what that emotion feels like. 

I’m afraid.  It feels cold, almost frozen.

I’m curious.  If feels open, like I want to lean in.

I'm embarrassed.  My face feels hot and I want to hide.

Your own story has so much to do with how closely you allow yourself to name and feel your emotions. If you were shamed for being sad as a child, then owning that emotion may be very difficult, and you may want to stay far away from it. That’s okay. Emotional safety needs to be established and maintained for people to become vulnerable and honest. So, every response is welcome.

What may happen next is that someone may then dismiss or excuse that feeling away. 

I’m sad but it’s fine, it’s not a big deal. There are people more sad than me, I’m sure.

Our minds can start to do some tricky things when we get close to hard feelings. They may tell us that it doesn’t matter, in order to dismiss it. They may try to distract us from getting close by changing the subject or even prompt us to compare ourselves to others who seem to deserve to feel that emotion more than we do.

Don’t worry, that’s perfectly normal. Our minds work VERY hard to protect us, and thank God that they did that when we were young and some of these hard feelings would have been too much to bear. 

But now, as adults, we have the resources, agency and capacity to feel and sit with some of these harder feelings.  

Just notice when you are tempted to dismiss your feelings or turn away from them. Then, ever so gently give your mind and body permission to allow you to feel it, perhaps even feel it more fully.  Because feeling is healing. 

That’s super cheesy, but it’s also true.

You are creating a space for people to know themselves and be known by others. That’s holy work.

feelingswheel.com