A Normal Childhood

“I had a normal childhood.   My parents did the best they could.”

I hear this a lot from people when I talk about my career as a storywork coach. You may have even said this too. I did. I just thought there wasn't much to tell. I recently heard a group of people recounting how normal it was to be beaten as a children.  “I was fine, they continued. I don’t think it really affected me. That’s just what they did back then.“  

What we experienced as normal in our families of origin, may be quite different from what I would describe as a “healthy” environment.  Mockery and cruelty can become normal.  Neglect and abuse may be commonplace.  We may not even think anything of it that nudity was common in our homes or that namecalling and screaming happened routinely.  It really takes someone else, listening in to the stories of our lived experiences to say, “Wait a minute.  That doesn’t sound healthy to me.”  And as a vulnerable developing child, it really did affect you. We generally say these things to try to diminish the impact it had on us, to lessen the pain. But the truth is that our bodies know how deeply it harmed us, and diminishing it only puts us at odds with ourselves.

And did our parents just do the best they could?  If you believe the gospel to be true, then a simple answer of “yes," cannot suffice.  The gospel tells us that no one is perfectly righteous apart from Jesus.  Our parents, as imperfect humans, had mixed intentions.  Sometimes they may have been working for our good, but other times they may have been acting out of selfishness or anger.  No one grew up with perfect parents who only did the absolute best for their children all of the time.  That fairy tale is not Biblical.  We aren’t called to malign or vilify our parents, but we are called to tell the truth of what we experienced and bring it into the light.